SHAME AS THE GUARDIAN OF ECSTATIC UNION

I was the only one shaming me.

As a child, my mother said to me, “Shame on you.”
An energetic curse she was unaware of, one that validated lineages.

Shame passed down to control, to suppress, and to oppress our greatest gift: communion with creation.

And as a little girl, I took that on. I validated that energy.

Throughout my life, I continued to be shamed by others
shamed in my power,
shamed in my sexual energy,
shamed in my wealth.

Later, shamed by deep, intimate relationships, because I was keeping it alive, not realizing what I was doing, not realizing the great suffering I was creating for myself.

The push and pull I experienced.

The pull into deep depths of creation, only to come face-to-face with the shame I held ancestrally.

To push away, to reject power, to reject sexual energy, to reject wealth, because my programming told me it was all shameful.

Wrong. Materialistic. Evil.

And when all of my money was stolen, when my business collapsed, I was brought to my knees, in a pool of debt for the first time in my life.

The Great Mother showed me the three core wounds that originate from the primary wound, the belief that we are separate from God.

Power.
Creative life-force energy (sexual energy)
And money.

The three core wounds of shame.

Through these wounds of shame, we have suppressed and oppressed ourselves over and over again, simultaneously being innately drawn to these frequencies and shaming ourselves in transit. Validating our unworthiness, our “not enough,” seeking fulfillment outside of the direct Source of God.

But the beauty about shame is that it leads us to the point of communion with creation. It takes us all the way down through all of the emotions, because shame sits right next to death.

It sits at the edge where life meets death, aliveness meets fear, pain meets pleasure.

And shame sits there awaiting our love. Awaiting our acceptance of it.

The realization that as soon as we love ourselves and accept ourselves in shame, we experience ecstatic union at that edge of creation, where duality meets and God is revealed.

Shame sits as the guardian of that gate.

You cannot experience ecstatic union if you harbor shame. It will gatekeep you. You will get so close to it. You will feel the intensity, the truth, the unconditionality, and then you will be pulled away, swept away in your deep subconscious beliefs of not enough, of not worthy.

Pushed and pulled. Pushed and pulled. A tug-of-war inside of yourself, wondering why you don’t feel the level of joy you know is possible for you.

This, my love, is the most magnificent path.

Through my personal experience with this immense pain, and the Mother guiding me every step, the truth is, I had been unwilling. She called me forth, and I crawled on my hands and knees, begging her to please guide me somewhere else. Anywhere but this.

And with love, she held me and called me one step further: “My love, take one step further.”

And I took another step. The pain consumed me, and I crumbled into a puddle of mush, of my unworthiness, of my shame, melting layers of numbness, separation, and disassociation in the process.

Destroying solidified frequencies in the body, passed down generation after generation, the identification with “we are not enough, we are unworthy of God, we are born of sin.”

And with my greatest honor to the Mother, the honor that kept me sitting back up, picking myself up out of the pool of mush, the honor that held me in her love and beckoned me forward, I stand before you in service to the dissolution of these lineages.

I will not stop.
I will never stop.

Every day I am on this planet to support one thing: the realization, the experience of inexhaustible wealth through ecstatic union with God, Creation, the Mother, Source, Love, Infinite Intelligence, Unconditionality.

❤🌹