How to survive a 92 degree day in New York

And now, onto my own 24 hours and 15th monthly post in this series. One day in May:

Woke at 6am, looked at my watch and thought: great, another hour’s sleep. Cuddled into the six year old who was on my left then turned over to the 5 year old who was on my right.

7:28: Woke naturally. Got up and went into the kitchen. My brother stayed the night last night and is in the spare room aka David’s office so David is at the kitchen table on a work call. He calmly says to the person on the call “Oh, my children are up”, then moves himself to our bed to continue the call. He is so calm. I would have an aneurysm if I was on a work call and the kids came in shouting the way they just did.

7:30: Collected a urine sample from one of the kids who has a hospital appointment tomorrow. Delighted with myself that I had the foresight to steal a urine sample pot on a recent trip to the paediatrician.

7:45: Stopped the 6 year old taking an ice pop from the freezer. Set the kids up with breakfast (Weetabix and an orange).

She then asked me what is 1+2+3+4+5+6+7+8+9+10. I did the sum out loud and said 55. She told me I was right and I asked her how she knew and she said she had counted all these seeds the 5 year old did at school which are hanging on the fridge.

7:50: I made the 5 year old’s lunch while the 6 year old made her own.

7:55: I had a pitta with peanut butter and banana while the kids played with the Barbie camper can. I over heard the following conversation:

Dave and I got chatting about the forecast today (hot) and also the upcoming World Cup. I commented I wouldn’t fancy playing football in this heat and we reminisced on USA ‘94 and how Jack Charleton seemed so modern demanding water (!!) for athletes playing in 100 degree heat!!

8:05: I dress the 5 year old. The 6 year old had already dressed herself in a t-shirt I’d ironed the night before. This is the second time I’ve mentioned ironing in these posts and it is the second time I’ve ironed. If I iron, I’m telling someone. Did teeth, face hair of kids and at 8:12, I got ready.

8:18: We walk out the door. A woman we rarely see came out of her apartment while we were stood waiting for the lift. We rarely we see her but whenever we have seen her, it’s when she has stuck her head out her door to GLARE at the kids. It’s not a nice thing to do generally but definitely not when you own the yappiest dog I’ve ever heard in my life. She stands with her dog this morning, waiting for the lift, and the kids ask her questions about the dog which is nice because one, she gets to see they are nice and polite and two, because the 5 year old then says, completely innocently, “Sometimes I hear it barking a lot”. Yesssss. We do hear that. Stick that in your glarey pipe and smoke it.

We walk to school. The weather is glorious. We are all in short sleeved tops and there is a light breeze and I really appreciate it because I know later it is forecast to be hell (a heat advisory has been issued). I look down at the 5 year old in the stroller and wonder why her hair has been so unruly recently and I realise it’s the humidity. She’s got my hair, the poor thing.

After dropping the 5 year old off, the 6 year old and I continue on to her school. On the journey between the two schools, we pass a ground level window that the 6 year old looks into every day. The window is in a school and it looks down into a basement office. One day, the 6 year old ran ahead to look in and shouted back “Hey Mom, there’s a woman crying!”. What I should have done at that point was said, “OK leave her alone” and not looked in but instinctively, I stepped forward to join her in looking straight down into this workplace to see a woman at a desk, crying. She looked up at us looking down at her and gave us a little wave with the same hand that was holding a scrunched up Kleenex. A work weep. We’ve all been there. That was months ago and today we look in and the same woman is sitting at her desk in an animated discussion with someone across the desk. Go her!

Between the two schools I check my phone and see a message from David saying “I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to walk to work today. It’s so hot. I’m like a paedo in a playground I’m sweating so much”. There’s a lovely turn of phrase I haven’t heard in a while.

After the second drop off, I see a message from a friend sending me on a house for sale. I really should set up alerts on daft but who needs alerts when you have friends as attentive as this? I flick through it quickly to see if it meets all my criteria. My criteria used to be ‘4 bed and a south facing garden’. Now it is ‘4 bed, a south facing garden and not being sold by the estate agent who recently gave us a bollocking for contacting the seller directly’. I had already given her a bollocking in fairness. There was a lot of bollocking.

I walked slowly up the UWS. Very, very slowly because I’m looking at this house and imagining my new life there. Google mapping how far to public transport, to work, to school.

I told a woman I loved her outfit. She interrupted the call I didn’t realise she was on to smile broadly and say thank you.

9:30: I get to my women’s strength class. There’s 10 women in this morning’s class and I know the names of 7 of them. It’s a really friendly gym and I know most people well enough to say: How’s your Dad doing? How did your pitch go? When’s your marathon? Did your sister have her baby? When I get to the gym, I feel a drop of sweat roll down my arse crack. It is 9:30am and the class has not yet started. Even though the gym is well air conditioned, we finish with 150 skips of a monster rope so when I step out onto the street at 10:30, I am a puddle.

I walk home and the breeze coming off the tree-lined streets of the UWS is heaven.

There’s a homeless man that sleeps outside our building. He keeps a really tidy sleeping area (a blanket on the ground) with all his possessions packed neatly in a suitcase beside him and he sleeps every night with a teddy bear. As I round the corner, I see his bed is empty (but perfectly made). I spot him in the distance, drinking a coffee, and it’s the first time I get to properly see the teddy bear: an old, beat up, blue teddy with ‘I heart New York’ written on its chest.

10:50: Faffed about at home for half an hour. Had thought I’d take a shower but decide to head to the hospital in the shape I’m in to drop off the sample. I’m walking through New York in sweaty work out gear, sweaty sports socks and Birks:

I passed the Empire State Building and Primark on the way!

Couriering this sample is like a mini adventure and it reminds me of the time, as a trainee solicitor, a partner asked if I could deliver a personal package for her. Now, I want to start off by saying, I am not above doing personal errands for a superior at work. I would go as far as to say that I preferred running personal errands to doing the actual law work. One of my favourite jobs was being PA for an accountant and one of the most fun tasks she ever gave me was handing me her handwritten grocery list for Christmas, asking me to type it up and email it to her local supermarket. The insight! Into someone else’s Christmas groceries! Sign! Me! Up! Another time, the accountant asked me to write a personal note in a card to a colleague whose mother had died and later, she called me into her office to tell me it was beautiful. Lol! I did not know the colleague or his mother. Also, I was 23 years old. Anyway, this day, the woman in question says “Do you mind dropping this for me?” and I said not at all. But half an hour later, as I dropped a parcel (that had this woman’s name and DOB written on it) off at a doctor’s surgery, I couldn’t help but think: I have definitely just been carrying this woman’s piss or shit across the city. Probably shit.

Today, however, the devil wears Oshkosh B’gosh and it’s my own flesh and blood’s piss I am transporting.

I got the Subway to 8th Avenue and had to walk to Lex. I counted the avenues off in advance: “7th, 6th, 5th, Park, Lex…OK, I got this”. Then Madison appeared after 5th and I thought “Noooooo…I forgot Madison!!!!”

Dropped the sample, came straight home. On my third connecting train back, I saw an email sent by the Pre-K teacher last night, saying that today is “show and tell”. I was meant to send a stuffie into school with the 5 year old this morning. Oh well. I’m sure she’ll take it on the chin, like she takes everything else. JK, I will definitely hear about my failings later through tears. Resilience me hole.

12:35 : I’m home and make a quick lunch for me and Seán (fried rice) and at 13:05 finally jump in the shower.

13:17: Get into bed into bed to scroll and play the crossword.

13:30: Did the laundry, cleaned the kitchen. I cleaned it pretty slowly because I kept getting distracted by Mad Men which Seán was watching. I watched it years ago but it is just so good. Maybe my favourite TV show? I love Sally (who shows up in Industry by the way).

14:30: School run. Collect them both, picking up this after school snack in Duane Reade between the schools:

I’ve already drunk 2 litres of water today but it’s not enough. I’m so thirsty. The kids are so thirsty. We are wilting.

15:45: We arrive at the drama school and the elevator which has been out of service for weeks is still out of service!!!! And we have to climb 6 flights of stairs!!!! I feel like I’m having a heart attack!!! I can feel the sweat drip down my boobs.

I fill up the 6 year old’s water bottle at a water fountain and drop it into the class and the 5 year old and I go back down the 6 flights of stairs. We usually go to the library or for a milkshake during this 45 minute period but with Seán at home, we head back to the apartment.

On the way, I check my text messages and see one from David saying “Fuck me, it’s hot”.

I’m walking home with the stroller, the design of which by the way, is sooo bad. I’m stooped over, constantly reaching down to this miniature piece of equipment. I’m hunched, sweating, my hair is frizzing. I am not a good ad for the Babyzen yoyo, or for motherhood in general.

As I walked in the door to our apartment at 4pm, our neighbour across the hall was standing in his doorway and said “I hope it’s not too hot for you, Aisling” and my big, fuzzy, sweaty, head spun round to say: “It is a bit Bill. It is very hot”.

I take 15 minutes at home to hydrate and straighten my hair (to take the edge off the frizz). And what else do I do in my down time? C’mon..altogether now: I do some laundry!!!

16:15: I leave the 5 year old with Seán and, walking out the door of the building, I notice a bead of sweat on the doorman’s brow, even though he is inside and the building is gloriously air conditioned. 8 hours a day on your feet for work is no joke.

16:30: The 6 year old tells me she is not only a black crayon in the year end performance but also a green dinosaur and a purple wizard and that I have to get a costume for all three (For real?! Must confirm this). We stop off at Starbucks on the way for some refreshers. As we sit in the window, the 6 year old sees a friend run by and she runs to the door to say hello. Having just one kid is like a holiday compared to two. And no stroller! Bring on the stroller-free days! We stop in another shop for mango popsicles. The 6 year old holds the box and tells me how they’re actually healthy because they contain real fruit. She asks me if there’s sugar in them. I read the back and say there is and she asks if it’s much. I ask her how much would be a lot and she says 20 grammes is a lot and 1g is not. I ask her how she knows this but she doesn’t say.

At 17:20, I leave the apartment again, giving Seán instructions on what to give them for dinner as I walk out (spaghetti, turkey burgers, peas and cheese). On my way, I order Alka Seltzers to the house on Uber Eats because we couldn’t find them on the way home from Theatre Club and it’s the “secret ingredient” in the 5 year old’s volcano project and she didn’t take the news that we didn’t have any well (see above note re resilience) and my attempt to use baking soda instead did not go well at all.

Where I’m off to is a tour of the Woolworth building!!! Which, I’ll be honest, I’d never heard of but when we were discussing bucket list items, a neighbour said a tour of the Woolworth building was one of the best things he’d done in NY. And I couldn’t agree more!

I arrived with 7 minutes to spare so ordered a hot dog and a bottle of water from a cart outside because tbh, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this but it is 92 degrees Fahrenheit and I am feeling faint. I always thought hot dogs were instant but the man makes this hot dog like he’s Rowan Atkinson gift wrapping jewellery for your bit on the side while your wife is hovering dangerously nearby. I’m two minutes late getting into the tour but the hot dog and the water saved me. I drank the bottle of water in one go but still have a constant faint headache. The tour consists mostly of elderly people…and me…but I’m the one that keeps sitting down and propping myself up against pillars and walls. Maybe they hydrated better than me.

The building is so gorgeous. Paid for in cash by five and dime stores:

After the tour, I get a cab instead of the subway because I’ve done 26 thousand steps today, it is 92 degrees and to be honest:

7:30: I’m in the taxi, which is showing a weather report about the continued heat warning and upcoming storms. I text Seán I’ll be home at 8 and that I’m ordering us Thai takeaway.

7:36: I get a text with the urinalysis results and all looks good. I text the neighbour to thank him for the Woolworth rec.

8:00: The kids are in bed but I go in to say goodnight. Seán and I have finally agreed on a TV show by the time our takeaway arrives and we settle in to How To Get To Heaven From Belfast.