kissing another boy at the silent disco

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on the train i took the night i left
a couple fought violently in first class—
see, you said, there’s worse than us
you seemed relieved that i had moved on
yet in a two-day breath you were announcing
to a magnetised crowd that you wanted to sit
next to your lover and kissed me with an open mouth
how frail your body looked sprawled on your bed
the thought i’d break you in my boyish embrace
same as the soft fuzz of your neck against my canine
tongues deep in intimacy fuelled your zest for life elsewhere:
the glisten in your eye as you retold your encounters
and the news that we no longer needed visas for the US
rolled into a haughty smirk that i wore the green coat you liked
a sniff of rush, of wish you were here / don’t say anything / i don’t want you to say anything
turned into your turned cheek as i went in to kiss you
my fingers still trembling from knowing its fleshy inside
baby, the choir! bodies shaking in unison won’t carve out the tunnel i need to contain this lightness
on this most unholy of nights the spiny shell 3am poetry praise pierces my flesh with a reminder of the different laws you keep
days later i still have daggers in my back