Education not as fun as White House brawl

I thought the number looked familiar.

I just wrote a story about a local school district budget, because budget stories excite me in wild ways (someone pays me).

The topic du jour was a school district announcing its budget for next year will be bigger than it believed - about $63 million. That’s for 10 schools educating 3,800 to 3.900 students, in a city of more than 37,000 people in one of the most expensive counties in communist California.

Commiefornia?

The district will receive about $68 million in funding next school year, which is great, since it’s grappled (that’s the word I used, likely subconsciously foreshadowing this column) with budget deficits in recent years.

Ah, but that extra almost $5 million the district didn’t see coming doesn’t give it an excuse to start wolfing down edibles, rounding up the immigrants, and throwing a transgender orgy, like Californians usually do.

Here in our illogical, drug-addled, trisexual state, school districts have to project budgets out for three school years.

It took me a few hours to write the story, as my procrastination superpowers expand exponentially with age. By the time I’m in my 90s, I’ll deliver my final will and testament approximately three years after I expire.

Not that I’ll have anything to leave anyone. Pinko journalists don’t accumulate assets.

But as I wrote those numbers, I kept thinking I’d just seen the number $60 million somewhere.

I Googled it for fun. Oh yes, there it is.

It’s the approximate amount spent on our president’s birthday party/UFC fight Sunday night.

I’ve actually seen “more than $60 million” for UFC Freedom 250, for which UFC president Dana White said his organization is paying.

I also heard “private donors” were paying for the government to nuke the White House’s east wing, before the costs skyrocketed and no one seems to know how, why or when it’s being paid for.

Either way, taxpayers are paying the estimated $10 to $12 million in security costs at the UFC thing. I don’t know if military jets doing a flyover counts as security, though I’m sure it was absolutely necessary.

Let’s just say, for fun, it cost $70 million, which may end up being a conservative estimate, because this administration has an odd habit of failing at math. Which is a problem when it spends money like a drunk Housewife of D.C., who accidentally stumbled into a Versace store after slurping too much wine at the plastic surgeon’s office.

I saw video Sunday afternoon of celebra(bro)tory motorcycles doing flips with Abraham Lincoln’s former home in the background. The White House looked more dignified when the British burned it down in 1814.

Military jets flew overhead Sunday evening as Exalted Leader exited the former people’s house to the south lawn, where thousands of UFC fans gathered to celebrate the coming violence.

No, I don’t mean the next invasion of Cuba. UFC violence is actually legal.

Thankfully, I already wrote down my real thoughts on the subject and got them out of my system in a document that will never reach the eyes of another human (unless they pay me). Since Jan.2025, that’s how I’ve vented my true feelings about our country’s sudden shortage of circus clowns outside Washington D.C. It’s like psychologically sucking the poison from a snakebite before the next snake inevitably slithers along.

I may be a socialist democrat fruitcake trying to wear a dress and sneak into women’s restrooms, but I’m not completely stupid. I already don’t make enough money to live in the People’s Republic of California. I can’t afford to lose my last seven readers.

But one must admit the contrast is striking. Officials running an entire school district - serving thousands of families who just want to educate their kids - are probably losing sleep at night worrying about who among their well-intentioned employees they might have to lay off.

Their day jobs consist of working their rear ends off to get what they need - what the kids need. Which probably usually includes just barebones school supplies.

Schools have a long history of not getting everything they need for students. But this administration is something new in the United States. It actually wages war against education, because it knows how education affects voters’ choices in the long run. It’s probably the only thing these people plan for long term. As long as their idea of the future can afford partisan, private education, public schools can indeed eat cake.

The organizers of Sunday’s event could literally redirect that money into funding an entire school district for a year - undoubtedly more in rural states that, stunningly, support this version of the Hunger Games.

The way this administration throws money at stupidity, it’s almost incidental that no one who pays attention believes the UFC is paying the entire non-security tab.

It won’t matter anyway until fickle voters replace this government and indictments start falling like rain in U.S. power corridors.

It seems simple: A government for and by the people should do everything a government can do to educate all children for a better future. We need a smart United States, not one with a Secretary of Defense posting videos of himself trying to bench press as much as a 9th grade athlete. It’s almost as pathetic as guys beating each other bloody on the south lawn of the White House in front of cheering mobs overseen by Caesar Trumpis.

I’ve learned a lot as a parent, even under administrations that tried caring about education for all. It costs plenty of side money just to get your child educated in the arts or playing sports and learning the inherent life lessons of fair play, mixing with others, etc., You better have a pipeline to well off grandparents or a second job.

Meanwhile, a greedy old man who babbles and farts like grandpa on too many pain pills and Big Macs is probably dozing off somewhere as his handlers run the country. Taxpayers coughing up anything for a grand spectacle meant to distract from illegal wars and pedophile vacations is insane.

We need to do better.

My daughters have a dad to feed, so please consider paying $8 a month to read these columns. Find more nonsense in Tony’s book “Lying Drunk,” available from Barnes & Noble at https://bit.ly/46xoaJJ or Amazon at https://a.co/d/cYNCUPp).