the roads we don't take

I just realized I’m not a risktaker.

Also not a big fan of change. I can adapt but I believe in if it’s not broke, why change it. And it manifested today.

So, I was driving on Ikorodu road en route to Ikeja and I remembered the route sometimes has traffic. I know inner road that cut time but I decided to take the risk, what if there wasn’t traffic.

There was. A long and hot one. It was moving but I spent about fifteen minutes on a route that takes two.

Halfway in this traffic, there was another exit. Service lane is to Ikeja, Highway to Ketu, but if you pass the highway, there is still a uturn ahead that could lead you back to Ikeja.

Note, this road is almost always free.

I could have taken it, but I spent so much time deciding that I missed the exit to join the highway.

And these two things on the same road is how I am. I’m not a risktaker. I won’t change until I absolutely have to. I believe in perseverance in a world that doesn’t reward it.

Lagos is a town that you have to fight for what you want and having a laid-back vibe to things, a need to take risks, there’s a possibility you get left behind.

And that’s a fear of mine, getting left behind. Not having a fighting spirit and regretting things years later.

I often think of that Steve Harvey quote that says, ‘You have to get comfortable being uncomfortable.’ and as much as I think about it, I don’t internalize it.

I’ve noticed that when I post about things that I want to change about myself, I subconsciously start to change. I don’t know if it’s manifestation or having to hold myself accountable, but it works. It always works.

So now I want to learn how to market myself. How to take risks. How to learn to fight for what I want, fight to the end not just halfway and fight with everything in me and not just halfheartedly.

I want to learn to beat my fear of perception, which probably kills my urge to self-market. I want to be bold enough to have a TikTok (Something I always wanted to do but fear of perception stops me)

I mean I’m trying to kill the perception thing gradually with twitter exposure therapy (I’ve curated my algorithm and have a long, blocked list). I watch people relentlessly market themselves there. Be themselves and find people that resonate with that. (meanwhile feedback from my most recent online interview said I was too robotic)

And I have to do it, no matter how uncomfortable it makes me.

What is it with being twenty-two and wanting to change everything?

Next on the list, for the first time in my life, I want to try and plan it.

Who I plan to be, how I want to do it and the steps needed.

My previous plan had always been to graduate and wing it from there. But winging looks scary now. Especially since for the first time in my life, I feel like I know what I want to do with it. I need to know what I’m working towards if not I’m just wasting time.

I’m only twenty-two once.

I’ll only be in my twenties once.

note: I think the type of driver you are, especially in Lagos, reflects what type of person you are

also expect a Ladipoe Revival album review (the one he dropped today) from me sometime tonight or tomorrow.

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Some quotes and my thoughts now on them, cause this pub is basically like a snapshot of my mind right now. I could come back here in months and realize I’ve grown. I read newsletters made in January and I barely recognize that girl.

I was looking through pinterest for quotes to add as the cover image and saw a lot of good ones.

Chineme in the name of God start exercising and stop pushing it. Every month, you say next month. Oh, and listen to this but still have a goal. Having a goal is important. A goal and how you want to achieve it.

Funny how a Substack quote is on Pinterest. I’ll probably go check the whole post out. But always remember that you can’t control how people perceive you. Be you, and not a stripped back version. Be you in full authenticity.

This one just reminds me of different things. In school, I didn’t seem like the type of girl that would go to parties and raves. I’ve had multiple occasions that I was spotted at a rave by an aquaintance and they were surprised to see me there because I carried myself like some church girl that I definitely wasn’t. I mean my friends knew the truth.

They also knew how sexual I was. Which is something acquaintaces are slowly realizing, especially the ones on my snapchat (I be posting suggestive images and quotes I find on the internet on there)

This guy asked me the other day, “so you’ve become a freak?”. I was like, “Become? I’ve been like this; I’m just not hiding it anymore”.

Though technically I wouldn’t consider it being a freak, just being openly sexual. Which is what I interpreted his question as. The world has issues with women who are openly sexual (see Madonna-whore complex)

But it was one step in operation neme-overcomes-perception.

Mumu girl, this is for you to learn to market yourself. Do it scared, at some point it doesn’t seem as scary anymore. Be uncomfortableeee.

Okay, I’m done now. Buh byeee.