I was texting the wrong person

Below is a conversation I had last week.

Him: Hey

Him: How are you doing?

Me: Hey

Me: I’m good.

Me: How have you been? It’s been a while.

Him: I’ve been alright, just tired honestly. January alone felt like three months.

Me: Exactly 😭

Me: Work has been stressing me out.

Me: Everybody is remembering deadlines at the same time.

Him: That’s how it always is na

Him: They’ll be quiet for weeks then boom, everything is urgent.

Me: Exactly. And Lagos traffic hasn’t been helping my mood either.

Me: I spent almost two hours on what should have been a 20-minute drive yesterday.

Him: That one is normal now. Once it’s after 4pm just accept your fate.

Me: I swear. By the time I got home I didn’t even want to talk to anybody again.

Him: 😂 I understand that feeling.

Me: I wish I could go back to when life was simpler though

Me: Back when we were younger, when the biggest problem was whether we finished homework or had to run errands for the house.

Him: I get that.

Him: No work stress, no traffic, no deadlines.

Him: Just… playing outside, eating whatever mom cooked, going to bed without thinking about anything.

Me: Brooo

Me: Remember when Aunt Chinelo made us wash all the plates after that family party because we were playing in her room and almost broke the tv.

Him: …I don’t remember that.

Me: Wait, really?

Me: We were like ten.

Me: She told Esther and your older brothers not to help us

Me: I still remember how my hands felt after using iron sponge to scrub that burnt pot.

Me: The way you screamed when you felt the wet semo at the bottom of the pot.

Him: I don’t have brothers.

Me: You don’t have brothers?

Me: …

Me: Shit, I thought you were someone else.

Me: If I may ask, where did I meet you? I only know one person with this name

Him: I don’t remember either. I just saw your name in my phone and decided to text.

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Be lucky you guys only get the secondhand embarrassment because this was my life. Imagine how embarrassed I feel.

Now I understand why my mum and other adults save contacts by name and location of where they first met. Jide Oshodi Fish seller. Maria Church Big gele.

I have three different variations of “baby” in my phone and I kid you not, I don’t remember who they are. Just that they are girls. Probably from my secondary school.

People that I saved with a nickname that I don’t remember. Who is Twinnie? Who is Mr Yabber? Who is African Chinko? Who is Bahd Guy?

I have so many of these I swear. I should actually start deleting contacts.

And my contact dilemma aside, I have decided to not divulge information anymore until I am 100% sure of who I am texting. I had my first practice yesterday.

Unknown number: Heyy

Me: Heyy

Unknown number: I know you don’t know who this is.

Unknown number: It’s Ife.

Now by this time, I was thinking this was my friend, Ife, that I hang with and gist, and she changed her number. I was even about to give her hot gist about this boy I was talking to who cut me off because he got back with his ex, but caution said ‘wait first’.

Me: Which Ife?

Unknown number: You gave me your number yesterday at the government office.

Do you see how I would have put myself in trouble? This Ife was a fine boy that was interested in me mind you, and I almost gave him gist that didn’t concern him.

They should invent more names abeg. You people are stressing me.