It is All About Who You Know

I’m an introvert and networking has always been one of those activities that I dread. Spending the days before my next conference psyching myself up for the small talk, reading books on the topic, creating a database of interesting questions to ask.

Networking is one of those skills that has become as much about spamming people on LinkedIn as anything else. I’d like to propose the term “connecting” is much better and will yield much greater results, leading to an incredibly fulfilling, rich life.

Connecting at an authentic, human level requires that you actually care about learning about the person across from you. You need to approach the conversation without an explicit agenda while ensuring that you are just as concerned about providing, as getting value from them.

But all along I was missing the point. Viewing connecting as a way to genuinely get to know people who could become friends, or at least a friendly face at a future event changes how you approach these conversations. Connecting isn’t about collecting as many business cards or linkedIn connections as you can, it should be about human beings that have the chance to enrich your life and you theirs.

The ancient Greek root for knowing someone or gaining personal knowledge is ginōskō (γινώσκω). It is about interpersonal familiarity and emphasizes a living, moving relationship with the person or thing known, rather than a static catalog of facts. This speaks to depth, not surface level details you get from small talk.

I’ve been playing around with different ways to start a conversation with someone for the first time to help facilitate depth and connection. It’s also fun to watch people’s faces when they don’t get the classic “What do you do?” or “How are you?” lines.

“What is going well in your life right now?”

“What is a new habit or boundary you have added to your life recently that made it better?”

“What is a goal you are working toward right now that excites you?”

Most coaches I talk to aren’t great at this. They spend so much interpersonal time and energy with their staffs and players, that their battery is drained. Usually, this has a detrimental impact on their personal life. It can also hurt them at a career level due to a lack of new voices in their life.

What is one thing you can do this week to cultivate a new connection?