If you were raised by emotionally immature, absent, or toxic parents, you likely learned at a young age that it wasn’t safe to be yourself. You had to be agreeable. You had to stay small. You had no choice but to suppress yourself. To bury your true self down deep enough, that you’d no longer feel the pain of the disconnection.
That sort of programming doesn’t just disappear in adulthood.
During a fascinating conversation I recently had with Francesca Tighinean, we spoke about how when we come from that type of programming, we can sometimes mistake isolation for healing in adulthood.
It’s called avoidant coping and it’s what happens when your problems seem so overwhelming, you deal with them by avoiding them completely. Your mind might try to justify that the urge to be alone is introversion, for example, but you’re actually just an exhausted people-pleaser who isolates because they’re tired of performing and keeping themself small.
We also spoke about a whole host of related topics like how catastrophizing becomes a protection mechanism, why the fear of abandonment isn’t rational, the true test of emotional maturity, and the importance of learning to tolerate positive emotions when your nervous system is wired to anticipate disaster.
You can watch the full interview below - send me a message letting me know what you think once you do, I’d love to hear from you!
- Will
Links & Resources
Join the Academy Of Self Help Community
Join our free WhatsApp group chat
Read my book As Far As I Can Tell
Take the Healing From Emotionally Immature Parents course with Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, author of Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents
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