Waves of Thoughts

This story starts during COVID.

In the year 2020, the events of the external world cemented into my internal world with a vision of crystal clarity, 20/20 vision. I was pleased to truly understand that the only truth I needed for the rest of my life was found within the knowing that health is wealth and without that fundamental foundation, nothing else even existed. Equipped with this knowing I became focused.

Some people picked up baking sourdough or banana bread. I had my eyes set on the ocean. I needed to get fit for surf.

Photo By Ryo Kubota @ Ryowave

I understand now why people say “surf is life,” or a religion all within. The whole process is a ritual. Dawn patrol at Diamond Head on a clear, windless morning with the sun peaking over Haleakalā – that’s spiritual.

I restructured my whole life in order to surf.

Surfing saved my life.

And it continues to.

It took me a year to get fit and to quit everything that didn’t serve me. So, in 2021 I started taking surf lessons at Marineland at Ala Moana, I was 34 . A bit late to the game. But if I’m not confident, I’m determined. So, I became comfortable surfing here, always going out with my instructor or friends making it a practice of learning the break while surfing as much as I could every week.

One Year later, June 2022.

It was a “Farmers Market Saturday”, as I liked to call them, but on that morning I was holding the heaviness of heartbreak within me. I couldn’t shake this sad feeling; I tried to hide from it instead of looking at it. So, when I felt the overwhelming urge to move my body, I had one thought- Surf.

I knew the conditions that day were too big for me to paddle out alone, but my hurt ego happily pushed that aside.

Bypassing every internal voice of caution, my mixed up state of being grabbed my board and set out for out Ala Moana.

As I made my way out over the shallow reef, I passed a guy paddling back in. He looked a little shaken.

“How is it out there?” I asked.

“To be honest, it’s kind of crazy,” he said. “But you’ll probably be fine.”

Probably? What kind of word was that? I thought to myself. P r o b a b l y??

“Thanks!” I said confidently, as I paddled through my brewing ominous waves of thoughts.

I made my way into the line up and focused on observing the wave. Cue my confident self-talk …

“Yeah, I’ll be fine—why wouldn’t I be?”

I was locked in observing the ocean watching others navigate the sets. A few people out there looked like they might be in over their heads as well, literally. Then, I saw a big wave building out the back.

Everyone turned to paddle hard towards the horizon. Paddle hard Abigail! I heard a voice within. Just as I crested over the wave, I heard someone yell, “Hey hey hey!” and I looked over my left shoulder, to the peak of the wave, where I saw a guy riding down the face and a girl, with a panicked look, dropping in on him. She jumped and dove off her board. It was a slice of a moment.

The next thing I know is…

WHACK. A crack against the side of my head so loud it made time stand still.

Her board had launched over the back of the wave with extreme precision and a direct hit to the top left side of my skull.

I was dazed.

I turned to the closest guy near me in the line up and said, “Hey, I think I should probably go in.”

He looked at me and said, “Yeah, your head is bleeding.”

Cue more of my overconfident internal self talk- “You’ll be fine” a voice said within, met quickly by an ominous backwash of “probably” as I turned to look at the distant shore.

The Ocean is a giver and right then, the ocean sent me my calm ticket home. A smaller wave sent directly towards my board picked me up and I swear I heard “I’m sorrrrrrry” as it lifted me up and pushed me in. I rode out of the thick of it on my stomach and was able to paddle back to shore- straight to the lifeguard stand.

As I approached the lifeguard, I heard a girl calling after me. She was apologizing so much but I could only remember that her name was Amy. In my dazed overconfident state, I assured Amy and the lifeguard that I would be fine to drive myself to the hospital.

A few staples, a mild compression fractured vertebra, and two herniated discs later—I was officially on my healing journey.

Equipped with the knowing that Health is Wealth.

Nature has her way of begging to be captured. The ocean begged me to paint it every sunrise and sunset. Surfing made words flow through me and pain was now a very powerful fuel for contemplative art.

Healing is hard work but I was eager to get back to the ocean. Breathing through it, I went back to Marineland. It was there that I met a brilliant new friend, Michelle, who invited me to take an introductory poetry course at FishSchoolHawaii. “Yes! This was the way”, I thought.

My grandmother—my mom’s mom—was a poet. She passed away when I was just a baby, but my grandfather published her poetry as a celebration of her life and I grew up with her words always with me. Taking this class cracked something open from deep within me. I was flowing out of me.

When I couldn’t surf, I wrote poetry.

When I could surf, I wrote poetry.

It was through that workshop that I first learned about the Surf Poets Society.

Excuse me? A whole community dedicated to ocean-inspired art? My heart nearly exploded with joy. This precious community founded by my now good friend Manny has put my soul in direct contact with other creators that share in this deep devotion of art and soul, all tied with an ocean-lovers-bow.

A joyful ride life is, indeed!

As I moved through healing—and all the moments that followed—poetry and painting became a foundation for something more.

The ocean became my muse. Pain became my teacher. And the need to listen to and express my truest self became undeniable.

I began compiling my thoughts with a devotion of honoring that gentle pull within. Using my grandmothers book as inspiration I compiled a book of 50 poems and 50 watercolor companion pieces with a goal to self publish my work. By June 1^st 2025 I received my final draft in the mail and when I finally held the hardcover copy of my book, something that I had poured my entire being into, I knew I needed to spread the word. Naturally, I thought I would start by spamming all of my friends and family. I logged into my facebook, which I don’t typically upkeep with much diligence. That is when I found a folder of notifiations that I had never noticed before; Message Requests- and inside a message from June 18th 2022 was waiting for me. A time capsuled message from Marineland Amy. Holding my book tightly in my hand, I opened the message.

3 years later, I finally responded to her in the only way I way I know how, deep gratitude.

It was with extreme precision, that I recieved this message on this particular day. The day I was able to hold the physical representation of my healing journey in one hand and recieve such closure in the other. It was so beautifully poetic, I began to weep.

Waves of Thoughts is a collection of my deepest feelings, a reflection of the tides within. It’s the thoughts that shape our words, the words that shape our actions and the actions that shape who we become.

At the core this book ties the belief that our internal landscapes create our external realities and that our state of being is found within the choices we make, the values we hold and the habits we nurture, and that over time, these currents carve the path of our lives.

​When you expore this book, alongside my words, you'll find watercolor illustrations that are created from the hands of my inner child. These paintings are an extension of emotions over precision. They are here as they are meant to be. Imperfect, yet whole. Each poem typed on my secondhand typewriter, capturing the rhythm of thought as inked impressions.

This collection is not just poetry: it is an offering of authenticity, my most prized currency. These images and words are a reminder that vulnerability is strength and that our truest selves deserve to be expressed.

Keep riding the wave.

-Abi Rose

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