I don't know you, baby.

When you’re a kid, there comes this point in your youth where you want autonomy.

You want to do things yourself.

It happens in small doses: let me feed myself, let me get up by myself, let me pick out my own clothes, let me pick what sport to play, etc. And with every choice you make, there is this level of pride that comes with it. This belief that you are making the better choices for yourself.

Sometimes I still miss the enthusiasm I used to have for doing everything on my own. Because then there comes a point in your mid-twenties (or maybe earlier for some people) where making any choice becomes less exciting. It becomes exhausting.

It’s around 7 pm, and unfortunately you have to pick what to eat for dinner, again.

You’re stuck staring at your near-empty fridge; a few beers, a cucumber, and some moldy strawberries aren’t technically a meal. And you think I am so fucking tired of picking what to eat. But you don’t have any other choice anymore.

You have to be the one to make the decisions for your own life.

A year ago, I moved three hours away from comfort and my family. Because I made a choice, I decided to go back to school to pursue my master’s in creative writing. It wasn’t an easy choice, but at that point in my life, it felt like the only choice. I had to change my life. I had to stop waiting for things to get better. And honestly, for the first few months in this new place, I thought, oh no, this was not the right choice.

Lucky for me, I started to make connections here. And I came to realize this was one of the best choices I have actually made, which is what has inspired me to write this.

I want everyone to start taking bigger risks with their life. Or just any risk.

Especially since I have become increasingly annoyed with people’s willingness to let an algorithm control their life. I see trends on TikTok of “I let the algorithm choose my coffee order.” And I can’t help but clutch my fist. On the other hand, I really do understand the exhaustion of making choices. Plus, if the phone picks my order and I hate it, then I can’t blame myself. It takes away any accountability.

But here is my hot take: we should be more accepting of our bad choices.

The more times you make a choice and realize it wasn’t the right one, the more you can grow and learn from yourself.

Call me crazy! But I think we should know ourselves better than a phone does. I promise it’s okay to make the wrong choice sometimes. You just have to make one.

Make a difficult choice and try to trust that you’ll be okay no matter the outcome. That’s where the power comes in. That’s where the stress of decision paralysis goes away. Knowing that you can handle whatever happens.

Move, go back to school, try to create something, order something new, watch a film before looking at reviews, leave your partner, confess your feelings, wear that hat, or just go do something alone you never have before.

The other day I did go try a new chicken spot. I did the thing you often do when you go somewhere new. And you can’t decide what to eat, you ask the person on the register what they think you would like. The man at the register was shorter and thinner than me. He was probably in his fifties, with sun-damaged skin and a thick southern North Carolina accent. And his response to my question surprised me, pleasantly surprised me. He said with a smile, “Well, I don’t know you, baby.” And when he said that, I laughed in the moment and accepted it. But when I sat down to wait for my food, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. Because really, why would I think he would know better than I do about what I want to eat? He doesn’t know me at all. Maybe I just wanted him to decide for me, and I think that’s unfair to him. It’s on me. Only I know myself better than anyone.

I am not saying it’s easy to make a choice, but life isn’t supposed to be easy.

Before I moved, I had this Substack in my drafts discussing how I don’t like giving advice. The subject that inspired this idea was the icon, Willem Dafoe. He refused to give advice in a TikTok interview. My fellow Leo, he gets me. Love him.

“Everybody has to find their own way,” he says. Yet I am genuinely scared that people don’t care to do that anymore. They watch whatever is popular; they form their opinions based on what everyone else is saying. If everyone likes a TV show, they watch it, not because they genuinely found it on their own and seem interested based on their own opinion, but because an algorithm pushed it down their throats.

I fear people are getting too comfortable not being in control.

My hope for people is that they start seeking out their interests on their own. I want to have a conversation with someone where they tell me their favorite show, and I have never heard of it before. A special part of human connection to me is the difference in interests and hobbies we can all contain. I don’t want to be surrounded by people who all like the same things. How boring is that? Who wants to enjoy only one flavor? Can we all try to become more niche? Or is that too much to ask?

Anyway, the point is, my view on advice connects back to making choices.

Are you asking for advice because you want someone to choose for you? Or are you just using advice like research? Don’t get me wrong, advice can be helpful in a way that research is helpful.

Take other opinions in your pocket. Maybe use them or maybe don’t.

It’s not good to put your choices in anyone else's hands besides your own. Not your friends, not your family, not your spouse, not even an algorithm, can teach you what the right choice is to make. I know that in my life, almost 28 years of it, has been a series of bad and a few good choices sprinkled on top. I think I am better for it.

Every time you make a choice in your life, you will learn something else about yourself. There is still so much about yourself to discover. I find that magical.

I keep learning every year of my twenties that it’s that window of waiting that hurts longer than jumping through it. It’s the pondering that will hurt more than picking.

Maybe it’s easy for me to say since I just jumped.

And I don’t know you, baby.

I am not sure, reader, what is keeping you waiting at the window.

This year I have had to jump many times, and did I wait too long sometimes? Of course. Did I land right each time? Definitely not. But I'd rather live with the consequences of my own decisions than spend my life waiting for someone else to make them for me. Being authentic should always be better than being inauthentic.

A wrong choice is better than indecision. But you don’t have to take my word for it.