What happened in October

October flew past in a (stressful) blur, yet somehow still managed to be a month of tremendous personal growth for me. October always is.

Maybe you feel the same. Autumn is the sunset of the year, the last, glowing burst of radiance before the quiet dark of winter, and just like a real sunset, I feel it draw my eyes to the present and to introspection in a way that no other time of year achieves.

This effect was even more pronounced than usual this autumn as I’ve worked my way through the material for my counseling class. The first client a counselor ever interacts with is themselves, and much of the work I’ve done has focused on integrating my family’s story into mine. The biggest piece of this has been a genogram project that as of writing this is due tomorrow. If you’re not familiar with genograms, I’ll drop some resources below. They’re essentially family trees, but tracing emotional relationships and patterns, not just bloodlines.

If that sounds overwhelming, you’re not wrong; it very much can be, especially while you’re in the thick of it. Seeing so many of my family patterns (both good and bad) laid out so starkly feels vulnerable and even subversive, and it has consumed a great deal of my mental energy the last two months. But diving deeper has been a blessing, and on this side of it, I feel more grounded and secure than I think I have in my entire life. It feels like a bookmark in my journey—this project itself didn’t create a lot of change on its own but reflects years and years of work in a concrete way that brings me a lot of peace. And pride! I’m so grateful for the person I’m growing into and proud of the work I’ve done to get here.

Unsurprisingly, I had very little time and energy to write in October, but I did keep up with my haiku project (follow along on Instagram or Facebook!) and I wrote a whole two poems, which I’m sharing below.

Sometimes Healing Is Like Running into a Spiderweb

From far away,
all you see are my arms
flailing.

Halloween

Don’t tell, but sometimes
when I wear a costume
it feels more honest,

not because it’s more me,
but because then everyone knows
I’m pretending.

Thank you to everyone who entered to win a copy of my poetry collection!

Thanks for reading and sharing my work. Our winners are Brigid Levi and Jim Barnett.

Didn’t win? You can still order signed copies on my website, or you can find it on Amazon.

Genogram Resources

A Family Genogram Workbook by Israel Galindo

Introduction (with video!) to the genogram

If you’re interested in knowing more about my experience with this project, feel free to email me!

New here? Here are a few of my favorite posts:

The Only Way Out Is Through

Things I’m Learning from My Children

Core Memory

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