Rituals of care for feeling light & connected

My last post was pretty existential, and I hope it didn’t scare too many of you away. I can never write anything other than what’s at the front of mind, and last week it was heavy stuff, as Hemingway says, "write the truest sentence you know,” and last week, my truth was existentializing Nietzsche, Kundera, and the heaviness of life.

To counterbalance that, I thought I’d go through some of my rituals of care that I regularly come back to, to reground me in moments of heaviness. Rituals that keep me feeling light and centered.

We can control our little rituals and routines, and that’s one of the coolest things about life. There’s nothing better than nestling into your own uniquely crafted routine that eventually, becomes a crucial pillar of who you are in your finest authenticity.

Rituals also reel us back in when our wandering minds go reeling too far into absurdity. Rituals aren’t mind-numbing escapism; they are gentle practices of care and self-regulation.

I like to keep my rituals grounded in self (mind, body, soul), and the earth (environment, nature, spirit). Prioritizing care for myself ultimately translates into greater capacity to care about other people and the earth, which is always the goal, right?!

1. I go as long as possible without my phone in the morning

Many people will testify that refraining from immediate screen time in the morning keeps the mind light and leveled before a busy day. It’s true. I started with trying for just one hour, but then it became addictive. One hour turned into two, then three, then four, and now I often don’t pick up my phone until after lunchtime. It’s amazing how many things I can get done in that precious morning time, without feeling overwhelmed.

2. Burning incense while I journal or plan

Incense in itself feels so ritualistic, but lighting up a Nag Champa alongside some morning pages takes the burning stick to a whole new level. The musky, smoky, woody fumes soothe the moody writer within me. It’s so rustic and earthy, but I do recommend cracking a window open for aeration, for the sake of your lungs.

3. Gua sha-ing is a hill I will die on

I know gua sha had its ten minutes of fame in the trend-tok verse, but I never gave it up. Gua shaing my face in the morning has been a part of my routine consistently for years. It’s not so much about the magical face shaping and jaw snatching that it went viral for, but much more about the slow, intentional practice of dragging it, lovingly, across my face and neck.

Gua sha originated as an East Asian practice, used in Chinese medicine to release the “sha”, or stagnant energy. Releasing sha by scraping the smooth jade tool gently on the face to improve circulation and release pent-up tension. Lather your face with a moisturizer (crucial), and breathe mindfully while grazing the gua sha slowly - under your eyes, down your neck, up the cheekbones. Each stride releases knots of tension in my jaw or lymph nodes that I didn’t even know were there. Whether it truly “shapes” or debloats my face is irrelevant to me; all I know is that I feel lighter, softer, and slacker.

4. Dance while getting dressed

I’ve mentioned this before, but it’s a foolproof way to introduce immediate lightness and play into your routine. Put on your headphones, turn up music that makes you want to tap your feet, and let it flow through you as you get dressed. Picking out an outfit to wear while blasting upbeat music in my ears makes me feel like I am Mitchie from Camp Rock in that opening scene where she’s trying on all her clothes to the song, “Who will I be?”. That energy.

5. The perfect cup of coffee ritual

I recommend grinding your own beans, too. Use a very basic coffee grinder, pulverize your beans each morning, and BOY, the aromatic vigor that the beans release will swoon through the air and rev up your drowsy spirit, I promise. Coffee also smells and tastes fresher that way. Bonus points to know where your beans come from and learn a bit about the process behind it. Colombia? Costa Rica? Brazil? What’s the flavor profile, body, acidity, all the delicate notes coming through?

6. Silent senses walk outdoors

It’s where you go on a walk outside, no music, no headphones, no podcast, no talking. And you walk slowly, and focus on one sense at a time. Focus on hearing, and listen to all the noises, subtle and loud, around you. Try to pick up on every little noise around and see how many different ones you can notice. Then, do that with sight, smell, and touch, maybe taste (idk). I love this practice for tuning in to the earth around me, no matter where I am. You realize how many things are in motion, unstoppable, without you needing to do anything. How the ground is supporting your feet up perfectly, and gravity is reliably holding you down, and sometimes, that’s all that needs to matter in a moment. Talk about feeling LIGHT.

7. Hands-on, meticulous crafting

Craft something hands-on and meticulous. The finer the detail, the better. Meticulous craft is a practice of intense focus and exercises our nimble hands. Making beaded necklaces has been my jam recently. During the winter, I was crocheting often, but it stopped inspiring me. I recently dug out my old necklace-making kit and am now freshly re-inspired for craft making

8. Seek out GOOD NEWS intentionally every day

Amongst the flood of bad news we’re exposed to, it’s more important than ever to find the good news that does indeed exist still. It’s just not typically making the headlines. I like to search “environmental good news” to see what’s going on around the world that we should actively celebrate! Some examples from a recent search:

Italian wetlands gain two new protected sites

Thailand rediscovered a rare, endangered species - the flat-headed cat

Researchers working on underground fungal networks win the Tyler Prize for environmental achievement!

World’s first vertical floating solar technology begins operation in Germany

9. Napping in the sun

If the sun comes out, spend some time just sitting or lying underneath it. Powernaps under the sun rejuvenate me from a mid-afternoon slump. SPF at your own discretion.

10. Calling long-distance friends more

I‘ve never been much of a phone caller, but one of my New Year’s goals was to call my friends more. I’m in a weird place in my life where there are multiple different time zones to consider and work around with my friends, we’re all scattered everywhere. It can be tricky and requires more planning than just impromptu phone calls. But the effort is always worth it. I feel SO much lighter, better, clearer head, after speaking with a friend. Just little reminders that there are people you love who love you back, and that’s really the ultimate form of care.

11. Becoming the neighborhood trash picker-upper

This is so stereotypical tree-hugger of me, but I try to pick up litter when I see it. If I am on a walk, and I see loose trash blowing around, I’ll pick it up - within reason of its condition - and toss it. There is endless sneaky litter hanging out on the sidewalks and shuffling about the streets. But usually there will be one very conspicuous piece of trash, like an empty bag of chips, or a McDonald’s cup, or a pizza box, strewn in gutters or in bushes, and it will unsettle me until I do something about it. Because I can’t help but mentally sort through all the possible pathways for its end of life - blown into a river, eaten by a bird, cemented into the ground’s fertile soil forever... Such an easy thing to do, anywhere you are.

12. Volunteer at the local botanical garden

I used to do this when I lived in Santa Barbara. I volunteered at the Lotusland Botanical Garden, AKA the most magical garden I’ve ever been in. You MUST go if you’re ever in Santa Barbara.

It was great because while I was technically volunteering my time in service to the community (which is great nonetheless), it never felt like volunteering. It felt like a beautiful escape. I’d walk slowly around the outdoor garden paths, meandering through the dozens of distinct botanical themes - the aloe garden, the cactus garden, the cycad garden, the fern garden, the Japanese garden (my fav). Taking in all the diversity of flora around me, learning so much about native and non-native plants. One of my favorite facts I learned: when you think of California, you think palm trees, surely they’re native to the state, right? They’re everywhere! They’re an emblematic feature of central and southern California. But there is only one palm species that is native to California - the California fan palm or Washingtonia filifera. While there are over 2,600 species of palms in California right now, only ONE of those is native. Who would’ve thought? Maybe you did, but I certainly did not.

Volunteering at Lotusland was special. Spending hours beneath the lush canopies of these plant species representing vast and far regions of the world, and I was able to be with it all in one place?? Unreal. I never want to leave. Still to this day, that is my happy place. Always felt extra nourished and clear there.

Those are some of my favorite rituals that lift the metaphorical weights off my shoulders and recenter my sense of self. Rituals are sacred, so find what works for you and return to those in times of heaviness. Burn that incense, bead that necklace, and take a trip to Lotusland for some earthy, botanical treasures. Let them know I sent you.

Xoxo