I was in primary school, age forgotten, when I had a bout of chicken pox. I was at Nanighar for my summer vacation, and I was pampered and cared for. My second youngest aunt, my then favourite, stayed with me all day and night. I insisted I sleep next to her, and she let me. I could only remember pain, an ache that seemed to infiltrate everything within me.
Those were the days of CDs. My uncle got me a collection of SRK films to watch while I was bedridden, but I had been seeing visions then. I dreamt of gods, big and small, who were all coming to save me. I was dreaming of being underwater and feeling like I belonged there.
I requested this one song by Pawan Singh, over and over. It became popular overnight and played all day and night in the temple with the megaphone on its dome, and had entered my consciousness wherever the chicken pox ate me away. It was a bhajan, set to rhythms and beats akin to a Govinda song. The repetitions of the lyrics made it easier for everybody to sing it throughout the day.
The video was the kind of VFX which was popular in Indian weddings when a videographer was hired, whose name was something along the lines of Chandu, Bablu, Raju, Rajesh, and so on. It was just Durga ma, in her palanquin, going along hills and valleys and rivers, away and away, floating. I kept watching it, over and over, and the dreams kept getting worse.
Mai doli chadhi chalali sewak gharwa
O hee doliya ke baghawa kahaar
Duniya mein shor bhayil ba
माई डोली चढ़ी चलली सेवक घरवा
ओही डोलिया के बघवा कहार
दुनिया में शोर भइल बा
Mother goddess is on her way to her servant’s house, in her palanquin
The palanquin-bearers are the mighty tigers
The entire world is talking about it
O hee re doliye pe lalka oharwa
Okare chamak se bhayil ujiyarwa
ओही रे डोलिया पे ललका ओहरवा
ओकरे चमक से भईल उजियारवा
The palanquin is decorated in her red fabric
That lights up the entire world
Chaal runuki jhunuki chalela baghawa
Sange sange bhairo bhaiya rakhwaar
Duniya mein shor bhayil ba
चल रुनुकी झुनुकी के चलेला बघवा
संगे संगे भैरव भइया रखवार दुनिया में शोर भइल बा
The tiger sways ahead
Bhairo, our big brother is keeping guard
The entire world is enthralled
Acharaj mein padal baade dekhi sab devata
Kawan bhakt maai ke pethawale ha nevata
अचरज में पड़ल बाड़े देखी सब देवता
कवन भक्त माई के पेठावाले हो नेवता
All the other gods are baffled
Which devotee has sent such an invite
Saj dhaj ke chalali mai beta gharwa
Kehu karata kahin pe intezaar
Duniya mein shor bhayil ba
सज धज के चलली माई बेटा घरवा
केहू करता कहीं पे इंतज़ार दुनिया में शोर भइल बा
The goddess donned her finest to go to her son’s house
There is somebody out there, waiting for her
The entire world looks on
Ten days, or at least nine circles of hellish nightmares later, I broke into sweats one night and woke up patchy and well the next day. A crevice formed on the left side of my nose, and my mother promised to get my nose pierced soon so that it could be hidden. I bathed in the river Ganga, walked miles with my naani, and watched Badhshah that night.
Pawan Singh is now notorious for making songs that are blatantly disrespectful to everything, especially women; and on a personal level, everything he could have been. He got a ticket from BJP recently, and has over five cases of domestic violence, assault, harassment, etc against him. His first wife killed herself, and the second one lives separately, while battling a dirty and highly publicised divorce battle with him.
thank u for reading.
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