Let's Restart This: HUGE Life Updates

I haven’t stuck to my weekly posting schedule, I know, I know, I was so diligent about it and it became part of my routine every week. But I got exhausted and I kept forgetting. A week passed, and then I would say to myself that next week would be my week… but it didn’t happen. For many reasons. The first is that I was struggling a bit with my depression and sometimes, I really don’t have the energy or derive any joy from writing. I become a shell of myself. I ghost friends, I get angry and become an ugly version of myself and that version cannot bring herself to sit at my desk and write a post.

And now for the other reasons and why I wanted to write this post. The second reason I just didn’t write for AGES is because I caught pneumonia. The one thing embarrassing about catching it, is the assumption from people that this is a Victoria disease and I have the immune system of a sickly Victorian child. Catching it exhausted me for weeks. I could barely stare at a computer screen and couldn’t bring myself to sit at my desk. Working from home during this time was horrific, as I love going to the office and seeing people. More than anything, I was so sad that I missed out on a chance to meet Greta Gerwig at a Q&A! Anyway, that aside, pneumonia was intense and I could not bring myself to do much.

And for the third reason and why I’m writing this… I have moved out of my family home and to London!!! This is a huge thing for me, because I have spent ages trying to find somewhere and I am now all moved in thanks to my amazing family, especially my parents and eldest sister who did SO much. My family home is fun, chaotic (there are 7 of us) and full of love, but it is also over an hour to an hour and 30 mins to London. And I’ve done the commute to work for over 2 years, I’ve said no to opportunities because it exhausts me and it got to a point where I just felt sick and weird and upset about the thought of commuting into work or for cinema stuff.

So I decided enough was enough, I would move out. It took weeks - I began my search in mid July and took 3 weeks off because of pneumonia. The day before I found my current room, I cried because weeks of searching, hundreds of Spareroom messages I had sent and viewings I had attended weren’t successful. It demotivated me and it felt like I was hooked to Spareroom and FaceBook groups… which is why I also haven’t written in ages. But I eventually was successful. The area is gorgeous, it is diverse like home is and there’s a lot to do on the high street. I’ve changed the room layout to suit me more and managed to fit in another chest of drawers, a bookcase and a desk. It feels like me, but I still need to get a few things and decorate with some posters.

I feel a bittersweet happiness. I am so excited for this new chapter of my life and feel ready to grow up a bit more. Living at home with my family is something I am so grateful for as I got to do so much. I visited so many countries including some of my favourites - Japan and Canada are two standouts and I could afford to go to all of these incredible concerts. And I was lucky to be in a household where I could see my grandparents regularly and be enveloped by love. But there is a downside, I felt more like a teenager and regressed a bit. I think it’s just something that happens when you move out for university to a bright and big new city and cosplay at being an adult and then move home after graduation. But now? I feel more of a grown-up and I am so excited to see my friends more, go out more and build a life that reflects the new me.

I did start this off excusing my radio silence and have to end on this new note. I am off to South Korea and Malaysia on the 19th September! Part of my trip will of course be film related, as I do a day trip to Busan and attend Busan International Film Festival and I will hopefully catch a film or two in Seoul and Kuala Lumpur. After that, I start my final year on my graduate scheme and then I will take 10 days or so off for London Film Festival. It’s my first year as press and I’m so excited for all of the incredible opportunities, the films and the screen talks I’m attending.

So on being able to write more regularly - I will probably get back into my weekly routine post LFF, and will have lots to write during it about all of the incredible films I see.

I’m really excited for my holiday and for all of the fun stuff that’s coming up for me, it’ll be busy but part of now having moved and not occupying all my time on Spareroom means I can get back into writing! Please do send over anything I’ve missed from you, I’d love to read and support. I’m sadly so busy this week as I am off on holiday and it’s the last week of my second year of my graduate scheme.