the obsession we have with "yearning"

People have started to throw around this word like it is something beautiful to experience. Yearning is not inherently bad, it is completely normal, but we have started to interpret this whole thing on different levels now.

It is being associated with being poetic, deep and whatever word you could think of related to the internet’s definition of it

In reality it is not the same. We have taken this emotion that is complicated and turned into a whole new aesthetic.

The actual meaning of yearning: having a strong sense of longing for something/someone which you don’t have.

There is nothing wrong with this but it becomes a problem when a person wants to only stay in the state of yearning. That is when it stops becoming an experience and starts becoming your identity.

you yearn for something, then you keep thinking about it, you romanticise it, you keep returning to it, it becomes familiar, then you start seeing yourself always being in the state of yearning, then it becomes who you are

this whole thing reminded me of carl roger’s concept of real self and ideal self.

when your ideal self and real self overlap more then you are. in a state of congruence

when they overlap less, you are in a state of incongruence

And when we are in a state of incongruence we feel sad, dissatisfied and are in a constant state of dissatisfaction. And from what we know now is that yearning simply means the longing for something that we don’t have, which is present in our idea selves.

Yearning also comes with uncertainty. you don’t know if what you long for will come to your or not. And we as humans don’t feel comfortable in the state of uncertainty.And because there is no definite answer to it people keep returning back to it.

I talked about the internet part in the start but I would like to return back to it.

Internet’s definition: yellow text with some pinterest picture talking about some yearning, jeff buckley songs, edit of person from a movie sitting but the window

People confuse wanting with yearning. Wanting is simple… you see something, like it and want it. Yearning is complicated. It comes with distance and uncertainty. You want something, but you don't know if you will have it.

The internet has started using the word for almost every kind of desire, which has made the difference easy to forget.

When we romanticise being in the state of yearning so much, that we forget about the people who actually suffer because of it

I don’t think yearning is something we need to get rid of. Wanting something/ missing someone is a normal part of being human.

The internet has turned that feeling into an aesthetic which has become an identity for many people.

You can yearn for something without making a home out of the fact that you don’t have it.

THANKS FOR

READING !