(Preface: Y’all, sorry I’m so late. This is my first time doing the AAHCRC and I did way too many athletes at first, so I cut it down. But then over the weekend didn’t have my computer at a lake house, so I’m getting it done now. Next time, I won’t do as many athletes and should be able to get it done sooner. I will get a few things out this week as an apology.)
Hey y’all!
It’s finally here. After 364 hard-fought days, the first-ever Annual Athlete’s Halloween Costume Recap and Competition (AAHCRC for short) has arrived! I’ve always had some sort of vague idea about ranking athlete Halloween costumes, but I’d never had a way to do it. Now I finally do!
If you don’t know, professional athletes LOVE Halloween costumes. I guess as 20-year-old multimillionaires, they can afford to go all out on this kind of stuff. And so I took all the best costumes, and I’m gonna use a point scale to find a winner. The system is designed to award athletes who do something goofy/poke fun at themselves and discourage the basic “Scary Character” stuff, which is what 80% of athletes do anyway.
The full points system:
4 Scales - Authenticity, Creativity, Effort, and Damn!
+1 point for each point received from scales, each scale scores up to 10
Authenticity Scale - For accuracy and confidence
Creativity Scale- For uniqueness and how “current” it is
Effort Scale- For difficulty, color, and devotion to character
Damn! Scale- For how much the costume gets the intended result (scary, funny, impressive). Basically how much it blows us away
Bonus Points/Penalties - +0.5 for group (each member is +0.5), +1 for big (onesie/inflatable/oversized), +3 for inside joke (relates to actual athlete), -1 for scary, -2 for common (if another athlete has the same costume on the same year - not coordinated), MINUS ALL POINTS IF YOU ARE HEATH LEDGER’S JOKER.
Points are added up, then divided by two for the total score.
The highest score possible is a 22 (without a group). For perspective, the highest-rated athlete costume ever is JJ Redick (NBA) as Emmett from The Lego Movie, with a score of 19.5.
If you want to see the full voting results, click here.
Ok, let’s get into it! As always, anything purple is a link to another webpage where you can do research, and anything bold you should pay attention to. And for this, athletes are arranged by lowest-to-highest score.
I mean, c’mon, y’all! Like, do something else! Anything else! Seriously. I love both of these guys so much, but like - Cordarrelle. Bro. You could have done something, anything, and it would have been better than this. Both of y’all - stop doing the same basic stuff everyone else does, and do something unique! CP, your nickname is literally “The Flash”. DO A FLASH COSTUME. At least Quincy Williams seemed like he was having fun. (Before losing all points, Quincy Williams racked up a score of 10, very impressive for a Joker costume. CP only had 5.5.) I don’t even want to show these photos. Just google them yourselves - I’m tired.
Yes, I know I’m supposed to award onesies and the like, but - I don’t know. Maybe it’s something about the way Micah Parsons carried himself in the photo. Usually, he’s the picture of intimidation, but here, he just looks…uncomfortable. The chain is kind of out of place - it looks like he put it on after, just to make sure everyone knew he was super cool. I’m definitely nitpicking, but I’ve seen athletes rock onesies better before.
Yeah, usually costumes this basic don’t even sniff an 8. All Adam Thielen had to find was a Bobby Boucher jersey on Amazon. But there’s something about how confident he is, or even like how it works on him - I don’t know. Intangibles are important too. But I think this is the highest I can put it. (Also - that better be some damn high-quality H2O in that cup.)
Nothing really to say here other than it’s a solid costume for Shenault. Great execution and confidence. The only thing holding it back is that it was easy to execute - it’s just not that hard to find a blowup Minions costume on Amazon.
I think Giannis was just trying to be funny with this Hulk costume, and he certainly achieved that goal. The hilarious absurdity of this photo :). But let’s be honest. Is it funny? Yes. Is it on-brand for Giannis? Of course. The guy’s favorite foods are smoothies (specifically…mango????). But - it’s not a great costume. The grades and explanation here here: 1 for authenticity - Obviously. 7 for creativity - I thought this was a good idea. Superheroes are surprisingly uncommon on Halloween. 6 for effort - Just because he did his whole press conference in that costume. For someone with as big a head as Giannis, that has to be uncomfortable. 8 for Damn! - I think just the sight of a 6’11, 245-pound, muscle-bound monster wearing this awkwardly funny helmet definitely got his point across.
Trey Murphy didn’t have the most inventive of ideas, that’s for sure. A referee? Okay, dude. But he seemed very proud of himself, which easily bumps this up a few points. I just love the way he ran out of the tunnel - he didn’t run like an NBA player at all, but actually like a referee. That one detail may have just saved your score, Trey. (Also: is Larry Nance Jr okay? There was no reason to be that mad).
Yeah, RG3 is retired - has been for 3ish years now. But I just had to include this Harry Potter costume here. The complete devotion to character is just incredible! He not only wore the costume for the sideline interview, but also apparently for the entire game (he was one of the commentators)! It was around 75 degrees on that day in Winston-Salem, North Carolina, and those robes had to have been getting hot. I love RG3 more than anything - the guy just seems like he’s incredibly happy with his life (even after all his inujuries as a player). This is a great costume. He got the undershirt, tie, overcoat (oversweater?), cloak, glasses, hair, broom (although no way he fits on that). More than that though, he just looks geniunely delighted with himself. He’s so awesome.
DeAndre Jordan just has to have a good costume. The dude is rich, always happy, and goofy beyond belief. This year, he was Taylor Swift, the biggest sports story of the year. I don’t know what else to say. It wasn’t very difficult, I guess, so take off some major points there. Still, you have to be really confident to wear that wig. Just a casual 16.5 for De’Andre here. I love the jacket - an obvious touch in retrospect but still fantastic. Not sure what that is in his hand. Another average year for the guy, and still so much better than almost everyone else. Also, y’all: he did his nails.
Just an incredible, incredible, incredible costume! (From left to right) Jermaine Johnson, Will McDonald IV, and Bryce Huff went as members of Akatsuki, the feared criminal organizaton from the popular Japanese manga and anime Naruto. Thanks to the great website Fandom, I was able to figure out that Johnson went as Tobi, McDonald went as Jūzō, and Huff was - actually, i’m not entirely sure, but he was likely Itachi. This was a great costume - truly one of the best group costumes ever. Credit to Johnson, the most identifiable member of the three - he wore a full mask, taking the focus off of him and onto his other teammates. All in all, perfect concept and execution - the Akatsuki are scary-adjacent, and just cool enough for NFL athletes to wear freaking rock these costumes.
My first instinct after looking at this costume was to yell “WINNER!!!!!” And why not, you know? The character of A Pimp Named Slickback (from Adult Swim’s The Boondocks) is such a unique idea, and it’s certainly current - my TikTok For You Page and Instagram Reels are filled with clips of the show. And at first glance, Tracy Walker carries the character out perfectly. And then you start to glance a little closer. Just take a look at these two pictures:
I can definitely see what he was going for, and by itself Tracy Walker’s costume is incredible. He should dress like this all the time. But because he’s dressing up as A Pimp Named Slickback, I have to nitpick. Hats - different. Suits - different. Different glasses. Different ties. The character doesn’t wear a chain. Yes, I know, it’s nitpicky, but that’s just what we have to do here. The Annual Athlete's Halloween Costume Recap and Competition is not a joke, y’all. This is business.
Wow. Just wow. This is an absolute, 100%, all-timer of a costume. The 7’4 Victor Wembanyama showed up to the arena in a Slenderman costume, playing at both his height and his absurd age (he’s only 19, y’all). I was born too late to really experience the whole internet creepypasta thing, so for anyone else who doesn’t get the costume - Creepypastas are internet versions of urban legends, created usually in forums. Wembanyama, born in 2003, grew up in the prime era of creepypastas - 2009-2012ish - and was a teenager during the awful Waukesha stabbing. He likely, as many kids did, grew up fascinated with this mysterious character. The Slenderman is an internet legend and the most famous creepypasta ever - a tall, faceless creature known for stalking and abducting children. No, Wembanyama doesn’t abduct children, but this costume is really a symbol of everything that makes him great - a tall, famous, absurdly young, absolute killer. I actually feel physically sad I had to take points away from it. He 100% deserves this win.
Congrats on the first-ever AAHCRC win, Wemby! I don’t have a trophy for you, unfortunately, but then again, neither does the Subway MVP, the best award in sports (e tu, Mahomes?)
I had a lot of fun here, but the AAHCRC is about more than it might seem. Yeah, it’s a fun little game and I love it, but in rality, it’s about seeing these athletes as more than young multimillionaires. Athletes are often just seen by society as these spoiled kids who have life so easy. In order to change that, I want to show athletes at their most geniune, as who they really are. Turns out, Halloween is the perfect vessel.
Thanks for having me, it really is a blast.
Until next time,
Ian
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